This Love
by beauty- in the- waiting
Summary: Clarke feels as through she cant be strong anymore. Killing Finn had shattered her soul into a billion pieces. There was no coming back from this.


_I cried writing this. The Season finale of the 100, was so emotional, so this just happened. This fic is based off "This Love" By Julia Stone. If i get many enthusiatsic reviews, i may consider making this into more than just a one shot. Enjoy this one, guys._

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><p>Raven's cries tore through her very soul. Her screams of pure agony, and the realisation that she was the very cause of it, made her want to drive the knife into her own heart. She deserved it. After this, her soul was not redeemable. Raven would never forgive her. They would never look at her the same way again. She would never look at <em>herself<em> in the same way again.

Clarke ran. And ran. She ignored her mother's screams for her to come back. Ignored Raven's venomous death threats. She felt her brain disconnect from her own body as she turned back to the gates entrance, sprinting at full speed towards the forest. She needed to get away. From everything. From everyone. It seemed selfish, but she wasn't ready to face the consequences. It would make killing Finn seem more real and less like a horrible nightmare. She wasn't ready for that. Not yet._ Or maybe not ever,_ a voice in her head whispered.

It felt like hours before she stopped, puffing and panting. When she realised that she was still holding that _knife_, she hurled it into the trees with a choked sob.

_I don't deserve to live after what I have done._

It took her a while to realise that her legs had carried her back to the drop ship. _Where she had first met Finn. _She groaned as her knees bent, and she collapsed onto the forest floor.

Curling into a ball, she lay on the ground, broken and vulnerable. She thought that, maybe if she held herself _tighter_, that she would be able to keep herself together. What she didn't know, was that the moment she had thrust that knife into Finn's body, was the moment when her soul had shattered into a billion pieces.

She didn't think it would ever be possible to heal from this. His face plagued her thoughts, and every single part of her felt as though it was going to shrivel up and disintegrate into nothing. Her heart thumped painfully as she choked and sobbed out into the night. She would never see Finn again. Would never see his goofy smile again, or hear his soft laugh. He would never see the sunrise again, or hear the rustle of the leaves from the winds. He would never have children of his own, or grow old. His tragic end, was _her fault_. His life was over. And she would have to live with that guilt for the rest of her own miserable life.

It was that last thought that made her want to do it. She wanted to die. She didn't want to feel anything anymore. She thought she was strong.

She was wrong.

She shakily rose to her feet, and began searching the ground for the knife. It hadn't taken her long before she found it, tightly embedded into the trunk of a tree. With a grunt, she pulled it out and turned it over in her hands. She took in what she thought was her last deep breath, and positioned the knife over her heart.

She wanted this. She couldn't bear living with what she had done. It was time to remove herself from this agonising pain. It was time to be selfish.

It was time for her to go.

But before she had the chance to end it all, large hands clamped over her own, bringing her arms behind her back and causing the knife to fall out of her hands. She inhaled, shocked... and angry. Because she had been _so close_.

She squinted, and as the intruder moved, the light from the moon caught the side of his face. Bellamy.

"Let go of me, Bellamy" she started, weakly at first. He said nothing, which only angered her further. She bought her hands into hard fists, banging them against his broad chest. He still said nothing, only holding her tighter.

It was so unfair. All she wanted was to die, dammit! It was a personal decision, one that he was not entitled to interfere with. He had _no right_ to try and stop her.

"YOU HAVE NO RIGHT!" she echoed her own thoughts, "GET THE FUCK OFF ME BELLAMY! LET GO OF ME" She was crying again, screaming multiple curses at him as he stubbornly continued to embrace her.

"No" He managed to grunt, "Im not gonna let you fall, Princess".

That was when Clarke lost it. She screamed, kicking and punching her co-leader until she couldn't find it within herself to _try_ anymore. He stubbornly refused to let her go, even though she had probably broken one of his ribs by now. Gradually, her punches weakened, until she relented, grabbing the lapels of his jacket and sobbing into his shoulder. He rubbed her back soothingly, and when she fell back onto the ground, he came down with her.

"You are so, so brave" he whispered in her ear. He kissed her forehead. Her cries weakened into hiccups, and she buried her head into the crook of Bellamy's shoulder in an attempt to seek warmth.

She didn't deserve to feel safe. She didn't deserve any of the sweet oxygen that was currently circulating through her lungs, because Finn was dead. He would never breathe again. And it was all her fault.

"All my fault" she whispered into Bellamy's neck.

"No, No" he soothed, pulling back to rub his thumb over her cheek. He continued to rid her face of her salty tears as she stared blankly into his eyes.

Clarke almost didn't realise it when he picked her up, ever so carefully, as if she were a fragile porcelain doll. She began protesting, until she realised that they weren't going back to camp. Instead, he carried her into the drop ship.

Bellamy set her down onto an abandoned blanket before laying down next to her with a small sigh.

"Can you hold me?" Clarke whispered. It was selfish, but she wanted to feel something, anything other than the aching sadness. And when he touched her, no matter how badly she felt; His touch would always make her feel like she was on fire.

And so he did. His arms wrapped around her waist from behind, his chin nuzzling into her shoulder comfortingly. She inhaled shakily when his large fingers laced in-between her smaller ones. She could feel his heartbeat, as if it were her own. It soothed her, enabling her eyes to slowly flutter closed.

"What am I going to do, Bellamy?" she murmurs. His breath tickles her neck as he opens his mouth to respond.

"Can we figure it out tomorrow?" he asks her sleepily. He kisses her neck one last time. "Just know that Finn is at peace. He has you to thank for that"

Clarke swallowed thickly and nodded. It was going to be so, so hard, to live with what she had done. But when she pictured having Bellamy by her side, things didn't seem so hopeless. Maybe, just maybe, she would be able continue fighting. Because he would be there, every single time, to pick her up when she would otherwise fall.

After a while, she hears Bellamy's soft snores, and this lulls her into her own sleep. That night, she dreams of Finn, smiling at her warmly, his brown eyes sparkling with some of his old mischief. He turns and walks towards the setting sun; as she watches, she feels a sudden peace, because she _knows_ that Finn has found his. Finally, he turns towards her, one last time, and gives her that goofy smile. _Thank You_, he tells her.

_Now I am free._


End file.
